Coronavirus fanfiction 2023

The year is 2023. North Carolina is the 11th state to officially separate ties with the federal government of the United States of America.

President Elizabeth Warren’s response to this perceived insurrection is similar to her previous 10 reactions: meaningless threats of economic sanctions and withholding of federal money from empty federal coffers. Turns out that when Monopoly money is more valuable than digital dollars and a state is tapping back into its roots of agrarianism, music, skilled trades, artisan crafts, food, and drink, and supporting strong localist economies, people don’t need the federal government as much as they thought.

Warren’s claim to power has also been incredibly hampered by the voters’ anti-socialist midterm results. The overwhelming opposition was an avalanche of resistance to the draconian federal policies she enacted after assuming the presidency upon Joe Biden succumbing to the coronavirus in 2021. CDC officials were caught on tape saying that they wished the virus would kill more people “in order to save the planet,” and the ceaseless FDA “free lunch” programs causing overweight “poor” kids to have early-onset diabetes were also seen as anti-incumbent fodder.

Warren has attempted to rein in the sovereignty of the various “rebel” states that were unequally affected by the seemingly endless pandemic due to their mostly suburban and rural populations, and the lack of significant state-wide immigrant communities. The state governors’ goal of reopening their unique economies with discretion rather than cooperating with and enforcing national dictates has been a popular move among their citizens.

For instance, NC Gov. Dan Forest has closed the borders of his state from incoming migration, he’s kicked out illegals (who now have “refugee” status in neighboring socialist Virginia), and he’s ceased legal immigration. For legals (including those from above the Mason-Dixon line) to remain, they must swear an oath of allegiance to “I’m a Good Ol’ Rebel,” flatpick Doc Watson’s “Southbound,” pledge to say “y’all,” and convert to non-mega-church Trinitarian Christianity. If they learn how to clog, they earn one get-out-of-jail-free certificate.

Of course, the usual suspects have voiced their displeasure, calling the governor “a racist hick,” but fortunately for Forest, NC’s first-ever black lieutenant governor, Mark Robinson, is sticking by the state’s chief executive. “Gov. Forest is the man!”

The constitutional but controversial border-closure measures were put forth as to quell the influx of migrants from Virginia’s multicultural and ailing epicenters of Richmond, Northern Virginia, and the Tidewater area. Forest is, however, allowing in commerce and the free exchange of goods to continue within and around the Old North State.

Predictably, the progressive and diverse urban centers of NC, such as Asheville, Greensboro, Raleigh, and Charlotte, have declared themselves sanctuary cities from what they claim are Forest’s xenophobic dictates. In response, Forest has said the rest of “normal Carolina” would be encouraged to participate in free trade with these rogue elements, but movement between the enclaves would be limited to citizens deemed to be “essential,” requiring proper paperwork. “Hippies, hipsters, and college professors” would certainly try to “leach off the good thing we got going here,” Forest said in a statement.

In fact, the NC governor mobilized the State Police and the National Guard to cordon off an area around Cary. The now-sprawling tech-industry city has become the epicenter of a third-wave of viral outbreaks in the Tar Heel state due to unchecked immigration and carpet-bagging, as well as travel of H-1B visa-holders between Cary and the Indian subcontinent. The exponential COVID-19 boom in India started just as the hospital rates began to spike in NYC back in 2020. In order to try to put a plug in North Carolina’s contagion and contraction levels, decimation of regional culture, and Yankee invasion, Forest says he did what we had to do, and he’d do it again.

“Some folks just got too big for their britches,” the governor said. “Being hospitable is one thing. Being a door mat is another.”

Warren has opted to use force to keep people in, as opposed to keeping them out, like Forest. Just like her hero FDR, the first “melting pot” president is utilizing those oft-heard-about FEMA facilities as internment camps. With the help of her new Rainbow Enforcement Agency, LGBTs who are paid in free porn, hormone-replacement therapy, and STD medicines are putting Americans of Chinese and Italian descent in internment camps.

Meanwhile, the Southern border remains wide open with each “family” receiving their $3,000 upon crossing into the US. Warren’s increased promises to defend the country’s borders using the US military have been hampered due to the fact that the 101st Airborne was deployed to California and the 10th Mounted Division to Alaska after the states received threats from China and Russia, countries which have recently invaded Taiwan and Eastern Ukraine respectively.

The other branches of America’s military remain occupied defending Israel’s borders, since charges of antisemitism still wield an uncanny amount of political and social power at the federal level. Military bases beyond the Zionist shores are all but closed up since the Fed’s fiat currency has lost most of its value.

In fact, it’s reported that citizens in NC are mostly bartering in goods and services, as well as just helping out their neighbors when need be. Some folks are even trading with great-great-granddaddy’s old Confederate bank notes. As of print time, the paper tiger is trying to roar, but she is running out of breath, while North Carolinians are whistling Dixie.