A dark horse in these dark times

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
— Ephesians 6:12

I concluded my previous essay “Armed & ready at the gate” about the planning of the Ludwell Orthodox Fellowship inaugural conference by eluding to the demonic darkness cast upon my long-distance race. But like a friend wrote to me, “The greater the love for truth and ultimate Truth (Christ) and desire to help others find truth, the more intense the persecution and suffering will be.”

I had also made reference to some of the “drama” brimming within the Orthosphere in my early August essay “Shenanigans set to banjo,” but I didn’t go into detail back then. But now that the successful conference has taken place, and “the gang” (i.e. the other Fellowship founders) and I are already in talks about a second event in 2024, I think now’s the time to shine a light on some of the trials I experienced.

This essay isn’t meant to be a black pill. Rather, the following backstory is meant to show that we who dare to say no to the modernist madness and say yes to “building enduring things” can triumph with prayer, seeking intercession of the Saints, daily Scripture, contemplation of the Fathers, a little grit, and a lot of grace.

“Just as falling rain awakens seeds, so adversity rouses zeal and diligence in the soul.”
— St. John Chrysostom

Fr. Dcn Ananias Sorem puts on the Orthodox MontaNIKA gatherings and has also had to dodge a few fiery darts of the wicked during his conference-planning experiences, which we talk about in this recent interview. So, he and I conferred a few times over the summer about how to remain grounded and steadfast in the midst of such intense spiritual warfare.

“Don’t have any worry. Go in peace,” he advised me. “My policy is always ‘Fear not and keeping doing God’s work!’ It always proves successful and the enemies always lose.”

Sure, my 8-month marathon wasn’t easy, but nothing of value ever is. But if I can do it, so can you. So let’s pick up where I left off in my last essay.

Late June 2023

The asinine antics began in earnest on June 28 when I discovered this:

Both of these people trying to sick the feds on the Fellowship claim to be Orthodox and know full well that the FBI has already been targeting ROCOR (Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia) parishes. I’ve written about such irresponsible and dangerous anti-Church schemes before.

The guy whose “hope” it was that the feds spy on us and disrupt the conference is Lance “Lazarus” Conley. In addition to being a loon who identifies as a “Christian socialist,” this self-loathing Texan is apparently a blogger as well as a vlogger at the ironically named “Hope Resurrected” podcast.

Thankfully, there was some pushback within Conley’s thread, even if some of it was lacking in unReconstructed vigor. Hey, at least Nichomacus doesn’t want us offed by the feds. Baby steps.

Below left are some of the rational comments made in response to my original post, along with a barely veiled threat from a probable fed bot. (I’ve written previously about this strange info-war phenomenon.)

And then above middle and right is Conley advertising that he corresponded with a purported “trad priest” about “Love your neighbor as yourself – except if he’s a Dixian.” My claim in that essay becomes more glaringly obvious with each passing day. Oh, and my answer to Fr. Photius’ pretextual question: “All of ’em!”

Besides Conley’s irresponsible statements, the most intriguing aspect of his rant (above left and top right) is that the thread included comments from Alexandar Mihailovic, a “scholar” who started following me on Twitter a couple years ago. My curiosity was piqued back then, so I messaged this professor with such wide-ranging interests as “LGBTQ studies” and “Russian Jewish literature,” especially since I noticed that my alma mater had published his then-latest book on “populist elitism.”

Mihailovic feigned friendly and replied, “I have read your blog pieces, and find them interesting even when I don’t agree with them,” and added that he’d send me his book for review. That was August 2021. My most recent message to him is in blue above. I’m still waiting on a reply.

Also in the above thread is comment from the curiously compromised Fr. Jonathan Tobias, a Yankee who retired to North Carolina and feels entitled to tell natives where they can gather for a Christian conference. Weirdest thing about him isn’t his smug attitude or bad history; it’s that he very recently had an affinity for agrarian advocate Wendell Berry and the Southern Agrarians, and wrote for such traditional websites as OrthoChristian and Pravmir.

Regardless of the distractions, I forged ahead with the help of prayer, confession, and counsel with my spiritual fathers and faithful friends and family. Moreover, people were registering for the conference at a positively steady pace and I was slowly but surely tackling my conference to-dos, so I was gaining momentum.

July 2023

The next month began on a happy note. Talented sound guy Ben Wiegold reached out to me, sparking the thinking necessary for recording the event. This was a huge, high-tech hurdle, but because of Wiegold’s patience and guidance, I never felt intimidated trying to finagle all the details with him, my audio-competent husband, and my contact at the Tobaccoville Community Center regarding the facility’s sound system.

Busily keeping up with registration, payments, correspondence, and fairly consistent promo material, things were looking up. But little did I know that Satan was about to turn up the heat and the haters glitch-out at fever pitch.

I would’ve never even known about the backbiting hysterics seen above (which I screenshot and shared with commentary on July 12) if a Twitter friend hadn’t given me the heads-up. Honestly, I didn’t believe my “informant” at first since Deacon Daniel always struck my husband and me as pretty reasonable and fair, despite his progressive leanings. But then I found the comment embedded within another person’s virtue-signaling post about how the “Orthobros” (read: traditionalists) are “coming into the Church and wreaking havoc.”

Unfortunately, you can no longer read Deacon Daniel’s defamation or his apology (above left) that he posted as a comment within my rebuttal, since he deleted his longtime Facebook account by that afternoon. In fact, I would’ve never known about his “begging for forgiveness” if a real-life friend hadn’t screenshot the paltry proclamation and sent it to me after the fact.

Personally, I think Daniel apologized only because I called him out and he felt foolish, or maybe because he thought there could be repercussions for him as a deacon going after a lay person. Or maybe he doesn’t really think I’m “the most notorious” wignat? Fortunately, Deacon Daniel exhibited Christian manhood and reached out to me and my husband by phone, explaining himself and telling us that he was sorry.

Nah, just kidding. That never happened. Still to this day, crickets, so only God knows what’s in this deacon’s head and heart.

Update, April 2024: After our sons visited our old parish (first time in 4 years!) for a Lenten Presanctified Liturgy, Deacon Daniel texted my husband to say how good it was see the boys all grown up and to apologize for all the “crap” he said on Facebook. I apologize, too, Deacon Daniel, for claiming to know the intent of your original apology and for questioning your Christian manhood. I pray our two families are on the path to true reconciliation. Glory to God for all things!

“All who stand for good must wage a constant battle with the forces of evil. For the demons still have power in the world until Christ comes again in glory.”
— Orthodox Study Bible

Earlier that day, I tweeted about the madness. Thankfully, most of the comments were that of shock over a cleric bearing false witness (especially against the wife of his godson and the goddaughter of his wife) and prayerful support.

However, a few Orthodox gnashed their teeth that I even dared to publicly comment on a public comment. “Keep this private,” they implored. “You’re hurting the Church,” they insisted. “Your audacity gives me anxiety,” they pleaded.

But the crème de la crème took place the following day when yet another Orthodox man slandered me on social media behind my back, and then had the gall to claim that it was I who was making a “public spectacle.” Forget chivalry, didn’t their mamas teach these guys basic civility?

Apparently, “esotericism” made public his spurious assertions of me and a situation which he knows nothing about, instead of in his private Twitter group where he really intended his gossip to be showcased. Whoops!

I took head-on the fallacious rumors here, and his real name, Herman, was brought to light by a friend in that Twitter thread. Let’s hear it for accountability! And in a nice turn of events, Herman made a sincere public apology, recanting the misinformation he broadcast to the world.

Nah, just kidding. That never happened. Rather, Herman deleted his “accidental” tweet and sent me a direct message. (Hey, Christians: a good rule of thumb is “public insult, public apology,” and not one that’s quickly deleted after the discord is sown. C’mon, y’all. These are the basic manners we teach to our children.)

The post from top-left references my essay “Piety-signaling priests play with fire,” which critiques the growing phenomenon among Orthodox who casually castigate traditionalists as a way of building worldly street cred. It’s all phony-baloney modernity that many clear-headed Christians see through, but still, such subterfuge can be deadly.

Above (in blue) were some of my direct-message responses to Herman, after he assured me that he’s patently “pro-Confederate” and “very right-wing.” He added, “I’m being sincere” and “I’ll be at the Philip Ludwell conference.” Well, the latter didn’t happen, so let’s just say, I’m skeptical. Again, only God knows.

Sandwiched in the middle of these two days of turmoil, I received some unsolicited “advice” via Twitter direct message. Oh, joy. Here’s some of the bizarre exchange.

Seems the busybody who sent me a thinly veiled threat along with an unhealthy dose of patronizing word-salad thought I was supposed to lick his boots in appreciation, especially since he apparently runs a “philosophical and historical theology” YouTube channel. Yeah, no thanks.

At one point, he cryptically quipped, “There is more than one way to skin a cat.” Turns out, he was at least correct on that.

After a week’s respite, July 19 offered up some Fordhamite fun. Fr. Seraphim Holland gave an on-point critique of the tiresome left-wing agitprop veiled as “Orthodox scholarship.”

Titled “The Conspiratorial Cleric,” the essay also featured a jab at yours truly as a “Neo-Confederate ‘Southron’ Orthodox member of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia (ROCOR) in North Carolina.” I’m literally shaking!

Hyphen Grrrl, whose moniker and some of her sordid backstory are explained in the essay I encouraged Herman to read, thrives on causing strife in the Church because it’s her bread and butter. Let us not forget that she’s the one who originally tagged the FBI on the Fellowship back in June.

I once heard someone say, “The hatred is not in what we are, but in what they are.” It’s an apt analysis and just one more truism that has the rest of us saying enough is enough with the Fordhamite flimflam.

Previous to the June-July affronts, I had been mulling over with a few close Orthodox friends, my parish priest, my family, and my father confessor the idea of inviting my former priest to the Fellowship conference. My guess was that he’d probably say no, but I also thought the gesture could serve as a sorely needed olive branch.

Plus, the event was going to be taking place in his neck of the woods and would include some fellow clergy and a free meal. I thought maybe just maybe he might say yes. Stranger things have happened.

Then after the diatribes from Deacon Daniel and Herman (who both attend his parish), I figured that there’d never be a better time to reach out and that it’d be best to do so with a phone call, which I made on July 22.

The call went to voicemail, so I attempted to pithily but politely explain my belief that an open, honest in-person dialog would benefit both us, our families, and our parishes. I concluded by saying I’d meet him for coffee at a place and time of his choosing. And at that hopeful meeting, I planned to invite him to the conference.

He shot down the idea. Via text. And so it goes.

I had been praying the above two prayers often. After all, July had been one crazy month. But a few more days remained and the devil is if anything efficient in his onslaught.

On July 31, another hit piece “The murky world of Orthodox influencers” came out and featured yet another jab at me. But this time it came from EuroNews and wasn’t written by Hyphen Grrrl, although she was really its sinister star … of course. The collage of tweets below decodes the deception quite handily.

August 2023

Although the Evil One works overtime, so does the Lord since it is He who invented time itself. I too had been working daily behind the scenes, and despite the aforementioned hurdles and the exhaustion of it all, good things just kept falling into place. It became so obvious to me by this point that I really just needed to get out of God’s way, that He did have this.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28

By August 2, I received long-awaited word from Metropolitan Jonah that he wanted to speak at the conference, rounding out our final lineup. My friend Marjorie reached out, freely giving her ideas, talents, and funds for creating unique thank-you gifts, and adding that she’d also cover the cost of pastries for what was then to be a coffee-only breakfast.

My friend Anne made a generous donation, which I then offered to Wiegold, enabling him to fly from his far-away locale to NC in order to put his tech know-how to work on the ground. My friends Josh and Amanda happily agreed to record event-day video and tended to all the behind-the-scenes headaches involved with that. My friends Holly and John made a sizable love offering, allowing me the necessary cash-flow cushion to start lining up the local BBQ catering I so desired for our down-home gathering.

On August 22, I thought that the Fellowship site was hacked, which has happened before. Thankfully, it turned out to be a false alarm. But honestly, I feared not, just as I did with the chatter of coming covid lockdowns also happening around that time.

And with the conference’s swelling registration numbers from across the South and a few beyond, I also had the constant reminder that there is indeed support for the Fellowship’s mission from a remnant of folks who ain’t skeered of the haters and their incessant bullying. Couple this with the lifeline of support of my family and perseverance through prayer, the inaugural conference would surely prove to be a lamp in these dark times — a veritable dark horse in the long, laborious race.

Be sure to check out the final essay in this series, “A race well run,” in which I round the last lap to the straightaway.

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